Throughout the journey of grief, you hear a lot about the stages, processes, ups and downs, or phases of grief. Each one set to identify, define or untangle what you may be feeling. Truly any stage of grief sums up to possibly a few words; pain, and agony. The most common or accepted stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. As each one is briefly detailed, there is an additional one that I hoped would help and bring reprise to someone reading. There is an endless amount of support, guidance, and recommendation on how to get through grief and manage life without the loved one present. I encourage anyone struggling with the loss of a loved one to seek support and community during this trying time.
I once read that emotional numbness isn’t the absence of emotion or “feeling nothing”, in fact, instead it is a flood of everything all at once. Often people describe a point of grief when you can no longer cry anymore, you’ve used all the tears you were able to create. So, you just feel almost as though you’re sitting in nothing.
A void.
In the void that is loss, grief is the map we carry, guiding us through the wilderness of sorrow. It’s an inevitable part of the human experience, yet it’s complexities often leave us feeling adrift in a sea of emotions. Understanding the stages of grief can serve as a beacon for some, illuminating the path toward healing and acceptance.
Denial
At the onset of loss, denial acts as a shield, protecting us from the harsh reality of what has occurred. It’s a coping mechanism, a way for our minds to cushion the blow of unbearable news. We may find ourselves numb, unable to fully comprehend the enormity of our loss. Denial allows us to absorb the shock gradually, easing us into the painful truth.
Anger
As the numbness fades, anger emerges like a tempest, fierce and unyielding. We rail against the injustice of our circumstances, lashing out at the world and those around us. Anger is a potent force, fueled by our sense of powerlessness in the face of loss. It’s a natural response, a primal scream against the unfairness of life. Yet, if channeled constructively, anger can be a catalyst for change, propelling us toward acceptance.
Bargaining
In our desperation to regain what we’ve lost, we may turn to bargaining, seeking to strike a deal with fate itself. We plead for a second chance, promising to do anything to undo the pain we feel. Bargaining is a manifestation of our need for control, a futile attempt to rewrite the script of our lives. Yet, despite our efforts, we come to realize that some losses are beyond our power to reverse.
Depression
When the full weight of our loss settles upon us, we may find ourselves engulfed by a profound sense of sadness. Depression descends like a shroud, enveloping us in darkness and despair. It’s a solitary journey, marked by moments of anguish and introspection. Yet, amidst the gloom, there is a glimmer of hope—a faint reminder that even in our darkest hour, we are not alone.
Acceptance
As we journey through the depths of grief, we eventually arrive at the shores of acceptance. It’s not a destination, but rather a state of being—a place where we make peace with our loss and embrace the reality of our new normal. Acceptance is not synonymous with forgetting; rather, it’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It’s a tribute to the love we carry in our hearts, a beacon of hope amidst the wreckage of our pain.
What I believe may be an important but sometimes missed stage in grief is purpose.
The argument can be made that, wait, aren’t all stages equally as important, often times running simultaneously or overlapping? Yes, I also believe that in every stage there is a piece of your heart that is mended and that because grief is not bound to the construct of time, they may very well overlap. Each stage acting as a reincarnate of life and love, but purpose, finding purpose in the life and love is what lives on, taking a form all its own and blossoming into something that thrives, a reason to continue an expression of love that can never be broken.
In the tapestry of grief, each stage is woven together, forming a complex and intricate pattern of emotions. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no timeline for healing. Instead, grief is a deeply personal journey—one that unfolds at its own pace, in its own time.
As we navigate the storm of sorrow, let us remember that grief is not the end of our story, but merely a chapter in our journey toward healing.
For anyone experiencing depression from the loss of a loved one, I urge you to take the first step in talking to someone. Healing can take many shapes and forms; reading was one of them for me.
Each week I’ll attempt to link a book or post on grief and loss.
For children the book below is the perfect gift of love.
Where’s Grandma?: A Journey Through Loss from the Eyes of Our Little Ones
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